By: JuliannaHey y'all, Chris V here! A few weeks ago, we were sent a question from one of you awesome girls: Hi! I'm in junior high and I have a major crush on this guy in the grade above me. And a lot of people have told me that he likes me too but I am from a Christian background and I have no interest in dating until I'm about 20. I just don't want to tell my parents about it because I once told y mom about my crush but she said having a crush is ok but i can't act on those feelings. I just do not know what to do. She isn't the only one with questions about the topic of crushes from the Christian perspective! So, Julianna wrote a blog post for you guys on the topic of crushes responding to the question/situation above. Enjoy! Dear sister,
I love your honest questions. Even more, I love your heart to honor the Lord in your life, even your love life. Our entire world — from Disney shows to peers at school to your own feelings — will fight that commitment. But it’s so worth keeping. Let me share a little from both the Word and God’s faithfulness in my life in this area. Our teenage years can be hard — dealing with these new and unexplored emotions feels like being caught in a maze with no way forward. We’re stuck between chemical attraction and the truth we know in our heads. These feelings, while normal and not sinful in and of themselves, force us to ask the most important question of our lives: Do I love Christ above all else? This world lives only for the here and now because they are devoid of both eternal hope as well as the hope in God’s future faithfulness in their lives. As a result, they’re unable to see any greater commitment or love that would make waiting worth it. But as believers, our love for Christ and trust in his promises enables us to surrender what we want immediately and wait for the better future he has in store for us. In other words, when Christ becomes Lord of our life, he also becomes Lord of our love life. We surrender our desires — even those strong and sometimes painful desires we call a crush – to him and allow him to direct the if and when of dating and marriage in our lives. “What if God wants me to marry someone I don’t love?” a girl asked me one time. My answer: learn the character of our God. As our Father, he delights in giving us good gifts, in answering our prayers exceedingly above all that we could ask or think. He may not give us what we in our limited understanding want at a given moment, but he will give us his best! One of our key weapons this battle to trust the Lord and surrender our future to him is our parents. Their wisdom will be an invaluable guide in this journey, for we are often too caught in the emotions of the moment to see clearly. And while you might not feel understood, I promise they do remember what it was like to be a teenager! Even if it’s through looking back on their mistakes, their advice will keep you from having to learn the hard way and making choices that will ruin the rest of your life. I remember in early high school, a young man from my church gave me his jacket because I was cold. What hopefully was only an impartial act of kindness on his part thrust me into struggling with a major crush on him. I realized I was acting irrationally just to try to get time with him. It was hard, but I told my parents, and they wisely pointed out some issues in this young man’s life. “It’s normal to have feelings, but that doesn’t mean someone would be a wise choice for a partner,” they told me. I felt like my world was ending. But over time, it all went away, my feelings changed, and I realized my parents had been right. Of course, that doesn’t mean the Lord won’t fulfill these specific desires down the road. I have one friend who married her first crush seven years later. But those seven years were filled with uncertainty and a lot of surrender until the Lord brought that young man back into her life. Whenever I was struggling with a crush, I would pray that the Lord would bring me a godly man with the character qualities that I was admiring, but that he would also give me the patience to wait until he brought the right man and I was mature in my relationship with the Lord and ready for marriage. In the meantime, you have a high calling in these teenage years as you dedicate yourself to serve the Lord. The more we focus on what God has called us — learning from godly older women, investing in younger girls, and serving our families — the easier the waiting will be. And as we ask the Lord to give us true love for our brothers in Christ, he will give us the ability to encourage them as friends and fellow believers without trying to get their attention or serving as a distraction in their relationship with the Lord. A year ago, a friend and I were convicted to surrender to the Lord any “rights” we were holding onto in life. We made of list, including the right to our dream romance story, and surrendered each of these to the Lord. Our desire was to be vessels entirely devoted to him, wherever he would call us. Last week, we were reflecting back and reminded each other of that prayer. She just quit her job to follow a calling to the mission field, and I could see both the excitement and terror in her eyes. At 25, I’m approaching engagement to a faithful, godly man the Lord brought into my life. Navigating this new season has been wonderful, but it has also brought challenges I never would have imagined in my girlhood dreams. “The Lord’s ways are always right,” we reminded each other. The hard seasons of waiting and surrendering, of disappointment but still daring to hope in God’s promises, are so worth it. Life will continue to bring those seasons, for I am not my own, I am bought with a price. But I wouldn’t trade those battles for anything, because Christ is worth it, and the hope we have of an eternity with him is worth giving our lives for. Whatever the Lord has for you, it will be good. It may not be easy, but it will be good, for our God “does all things well” (Mk. 7:37). Your sister in Christ, Julianna
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By: Guest Blogger~Mrs. M Thank you, Chris V, for inviting me to contribute to your blog for Christian girls. It is such an encouragement to hear of young women seeking to follow Christ in a culture that promotes the complete opposite. My husband and I started participating in our church’s young adult group (college and career) a few years ago as leaders/mentors. I have been blessed to make relationships with a multitude of single young adults who are truly pursuing Christ through His Word and fellowship with other believers – young and old alike. Throughout history (HIS-story), God has always preserved a remnant (a small remaining quantity) of faithful followers. I think of the Old Testament story in 1 Kings 19 when Elijah was hiding from Queen Jezebel in a cave after a victory over the idol Baal. He was fearing for his live and feeling sorry for himself saying, “I alone am left.” Do you ever feel like this? Are you surrounded by peers and even adults who are haters of God that may even attack your faith? Do you remember God’s response to Elijah? The Lord answered in 1 Kings 19:18 “Yet I will leave seven thousand in Israel, all the knees that have not bowed to Baal and every mouth that has not kissed him.” Do not be discouraged, dear reader. If you know and love Christ, then you are part of His precious remnant of believers who have not embraced the idols that this world “worships.” Chris V asked for some input regarding guys, dating, relationships, marriage, etc. from a Christian perspective. Having been married for nearly 37 years, I want to encourage you that it is truly possible to have a “happily ever after” marriage in this life, but only through the mutual pursuit of Christ together. The cord of three strands is indeed a strong bond when Christ is the central strand (Ecclesiastes 4:12). It may be a bit too soon for you to be dating or considering marriage, but it is never too soon to begin to prepare for it. There is an old saying “opposites attract”. While this may be true of personalities, it should not be the case with our faith. The truth is like-minded Christians are usually attracted to each other. What are you looking for in a boyfriend or possible husband? Popular, good looking, has a fun sense of humor, makes you feel special, drives a nice car, comes from a good family, etc. or are you looking for a person of strong character, depth and maturity who will be faithful to love the Lord and lead you spiritually? If you want to attract this type of “Godly” young man someday, the best way to do so is to grow in purity (free from contamination) through a pursuit of Christ now. In I Peter 3:3-5 we are reminded what true feminine beauty is: “Your adornment must not be merely the external—braiding the hair, wearing gold jewelry, or putting on apparel; but it should be the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God.” The only way to obtain these qualities is through the work of the Holy Spirit in our hearts. As a teen, I spent a lot of time and effort on my hair, makeup, and clothes trying to look “beautiful”, but I spent very little time seeking God or realizing that what I really needed was a heart “make over”. Unfortunately, I wasn’t truly a born again Christian until shortly before I got engaged, and God had a lot of work to do in me and in also my husband. But you have the opportunity now to lay a solid foundation in Christ for your future relationship. Although these verses from Psalm 119 are written to “young men”, I think they apply to young women as well (italics added). 9 How can a young man (or woman) keep his (or her) way pure? |
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